Dreams: Invincible?

Last time, in my blog (The Invincible Dream), I wrote that I was waiting for a miracle — some quiet twist of fate, some stray coincidence that would breathe life back into a long-held dream. No, it didn’t happen. The miracle I kept hoping for — it came close enough to touch, perhaps, but still slipped through my fingers. So yes, it happened. And yet, somehow... it didn’t.

After nearly five years — four years and nine months, to be exact — I spoke to her again. And it felt warm, familiar, like opening a window in a room I thought was sealed shut. But if you recall, I had once asked: Is being in a relationship the same as being engaged? Back then, I wasn’t sure. Now, I know the answer. Or at least, I think I do. No, they’re not the same. Not at all. And yet, in some cruel twist, maybe they are — when both end in silence.

Back in those late 2000s, we let each other go. Not because we stopped loving, but because life had placed us in parallel lanes, tethered to others, unable to cross paths without burning bridges. We were afraid then — afraid of hurting each other, afraid of breaking something delicate. So we drifted, each holding on to the hope that the other would be happy, even if it meant from afar. I’m not sure if that hope made sense. Maybe it never did.

This time — in late 2010s — it was different. The fear had shifted. It wasn’t about us anymore. We weren’t afraid of wounding each other. We were afraid of hurting those around us. She was engaged. The weight of expectations, the noise of relatives, the quiet tears of her parents — all of it pulled her back. She was trapped in a web that wasn’t entirely hers, and walking away wasn’t as easy as we might wish it to be. I don’t blame her. I never could.

And yet, again, we let go.

I held on to hope until the very end. There were signs, strange alignments — a breakup, an accidental message, the way things unfolded with uncanny timing. I told myself: Maybe this is how miracles begin — not loudly, but in small, strange echoes. I waited. I believed. But nothing came. No miracle. No coincidence. Just silence — deep, familiar silence.

And now, what about the dreams? They should’ve left by now, shouldn’t they? Faded quietly into the background like forgotten songs.
But they haven’t.

They still linger.
They still haunt.
They still whisper to me when the nights are too long and the world is too quiet.

Are you with the right partner?

Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love. People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened to you.

Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown.

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found.

People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfilment. Extramarital fulfilment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this) the key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the Person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.

Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable. 

Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling.

Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO!

PS: Not my original article, copyright and credit goes to http://anne.ph/

Break-up... Need not break you

I was sure that absolutely no one in the world had ever, or would ever experience the pain that I was feeling after my break up. Funny, but I found a virtual world full of folks who had gone through the same thing and felt the same as I had felt. That helped a lot.

So, for all the newbies who ask the question: will the hurting ever stop, or will my ex come back? This is how it typically goes down. We two break up; no matter who does it. We immediately panic and
begin chasing, begging, pleading, harassing, phoning, e-mailing, and stalking (OK, not all of these, just pick which one you did). Most of us likely do something during this stage that will make us cringe when we think back on it, say after 3 months.

We lose weight. We neglect ourselves, our house, our job (how many hours do we all log into these sites while we are at work?). We drive our family and friend crazy talking about the break up. We cry at the drop of a dime. We can’t even comprehend that our life might not again include that special person. We begin putting them on a pedestal, forgetting all of the nagging things about them that used to drive us crazy. In our mind they have become omnipotent, all encompassing, all everything.

We convince ourselves that we are losers who just screwed up a relationship with the best person in the world. We KNOW without a doubt that we will never love like that ever. We know that no one else will come along. We wear a sad face for the world to see.

They (the ex’s) remain steadfast in their denial to get back together. Many of them will leapfrog into new relationships, immediately being exclusive with a new person. For those who leapfrog, they appear to just replace us with a new model. All the things we two used to do, they now do with someone else. Bowling, cuddling, watching televisions whatever you two did, likely they will just begin doing those things with someone new. 

We hear about them and their new life. We are desperate about any crumbs of news about their life. Many of us make things worse here by trying to use manipulation to get them back; yet they stay away from us like we are the plague.

For those of us who do still have contact with their ex’s, we begin selling ourselves short. We do stupid things like allowing them access to our bodies and then wanting to strangle them afterward when they remind us that Sex does not imply hope. We, in further panic mode, begin frantically searching over the internet using phrases such as BREAK UP, LOST LOVE, or whatever. We stumble upon this site, pay our money because we are curious and lo! Behold, you find all of us folks in various stages of this break up bullshit.

We voraciously read the posts. We search for news of those who got their mates back. We are on this site constantly. We will read the books and sigh if I can do this, I can get the person back. We begin our NO CONTACT and for some of us, this will get a reaction from our ex’s. For the rest, no contact is and will continue to be what we’ll get and receive.

Time goes by. You’ll do some stupid things. You will call your ex when you should not. You will call when you have too much to drink. You will call even if 50 people on this site tell you not to do so. You’ll show up on their doorstep hating yourself all the time.

Then you will get serious about your no contacts. It will hurt. But you will try to stick to it. Here’s the turning point for most. For those folks who have contact with their ex’s your no contact will either bring
them sniffing curiously around or they will be somewhere high-fiving with their friends thanking the God that you have not called.

Now is the tough time. Nothing but time works. Every day the ache in your heart grows a little less. It’s only nanobits that it dies down by. But every day it will get slowly better. You will have set-backs. You will run into your ex accidentally. You will run into mutual friends who tell you to do something about your ex that will bring you home for a good cry. You will see your ex with their new friend. You will receive a phone call or an email from your ex who does not want to be in a relationship but just wants to be a friend (with benefits if you allow).

Here is another important part. You need to truly sit down and truthfully look back at the relationship and understand what you did to help with its demise. If you miss this part, you have gone through all the
suffering for nothing, because you will be back here again. This post is here to teach you. To teach you how to be a better partner, a better person. Missing that lesson is detrimental to the whole process. It’s the reason that you are going through this. Don’t miss out the lesson.

Then one day you will smile because you didn’t immediately check your answering machine when you came in. And one day you will decide to clean your house. And one day you will go outside and admit to the world that you are a better person now.

And then you’ll decide to mix with people freely. You will be ready to be amongst people again. And many of you will have some new dates. Some of you will have reconciliations with your ex’s. Many of us won’t. But one day it won’t matter as much. This is because time will allow you to catch yourself going minutes and then hours without thinking of the ex. And we will be able to think of our life possibly without that person and not dissolve in a puddle of nothingness because of the thought.

 And for most of us, sadly, life will go on without that mate. That is the truth. Don’t want to dash the hopes but probably less than 3% of the people on the site get back with their mates. Sobering isn’t it? But as the site instructs, we must accept this before we can truly begin to heal or draw our ex back to us. For the lucky (or unlucky one’s depending on how much work it will take to keep a mate that has wandered back) who get back with their ex’s, many will find that the paradise they envisioned isn’t reality, and what they once thought to be gold has a certain tarnish to it now. But they stay and try to make it work because it’s comfortable or, if they are really lucky, it is meant to be.

But for most of us, life goes on. And one day we will find ourselves having a gut busting laugh over something totally stupid and we will think to ourselves that I am getting better. And finally, we will go on a date again with someone new and find that (a) if it was not good, at least I did it, or (b) it was so much better than with the ex I wonder why I waited so long to get back here. It does not always happen, but just a possibility. Thus we are on the road to recovery.

 I guess, what I am trying to convey here is, while each situation is unique, the characteristics of the most of our situations are same. Most of us will go through at least something that I have written here. So
when someone tells you on this site that time will help you to get through it, believe them. When they tell you trust me, it will get better and you will stop hurting eventually, believe them. And when they give you good advice that your head understands but your heart rejects, take a moment to think before you react.

Don’t beat yourself up if you do something that you wished you hadn’t (calling contacting etc.). Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving to yourself. And most of all remember that being happily single is an alternative.
Even if society is beating into your head that you must have a mate, take time to heal before going out there. There are plenty of good people to love, just don’t go out there broken, jaded about love. Accept reality. Experience the pain. Learn the lesson. Actively try to heal. Remember the person you were when
you first met you ex and get that person back.

And the universe will take care of the rest.

Je Raate Mor Duarguli Bhanglo Jhore

There was one night in my life. It was a shocking night, some revelation night. That night, I was unable to sleep. I can't really explain to anyone, how was the feelings! However, the song that gave me support that whole night was this one.

I never understood that this song has so much power within itself, it has so much to say.

I want to share the song with you all. This is the clippings of the movie "Meghe Dhaka Tara". Another version of the song is also shared. Listen to both, and enjoy the one you like more.

It is written by Rabindranath Tagore. The lyrics goes like this. I have mentioned the meaning of the lyrics in English for all.

Je raate mor duar guli bhanglo jhor-e,

Jani nai to tumi ele, amar ghor-e, 

Je raate mor duar guli bhanglo jhor-e...

The night the storm broke my doors,

I did not know you'd come in...

Sab je hoye gelo kaalo,

Nibhe gelo deep-er aalo,

aakash paane haath baralem kaharo tore,

Jani nai to tumi ele amar ghor-e,

Je raate mor...

Everything went black,

The lamp went out,

For whom did I reach out on high?

I did not know you'd come in...

The night...

Andhokar-e roinu pore swapono mani,

Jhor je tomar joyo-dhwoja, tai ki jani,

Sokal bela cheye dekhi,

Dariye aachho tumi eki,

Ghor bhora mor sunyota-r i buker opore,

Jani nai to tumi ele amar ghor-e,

Je raate mor...

In darkness I lay dreaming,

How could I know that the storm was the pennant of your triumph,

Only in the morning did I see,

There you were, standing,

There where emptiness filled my room, 

I did not know you'd come in...

The night...

The lines that " How would I know that the storm was the pennant of your triumph" ... It really brings tears to my eyes. Even now when I am writing this, and listening to the song, I can't really control myself.

Relationship Transition: Past to Present and Future

Some pieces of advice to people who are in the process of transition from one relationship to other. I know that these advices are easy to preach, and hard to follow, but by now I know, that I am not wrong at all while I put these in blog.

• A past relationship is like a scar left after an accident. The more you want to scratch those, the more scar marks are left permanent. It's always better to leave those scars as they are, they will heal with due course of time, with no marks left.

• Don't carry your baggages from your past relationships. Sometimes the baggages are too heavy to accommodate in the present relationship. You not only make it difficult for your partner to live in peace, but, also make your own life complicated unnecessarily.

• Don't hold things that keep on reminding you and your partner of your past. It might feel good to you thinking that you are being nice with your old partner, or you are caring your old partner, but, certainly it puts a lot of pressure on your present partner.

• Believe this: Your old partner is not concerned with how much you "care" for the person. To him, either you are there, or you are not. If you are not with your old partner, then their pain doesn't reduce by any bit if you "care". Moreover, by "care", don't make their moving-on in life more difficult.

These pieces of advice hold for them only, who do not think about going back to their past relationships.

If you have any plan of moving back to your old relationship, please don't move forward just for the sake of moving forward. It hurts a lot to your new partner.

Old Love

Why the hell do I miss her so much!!! At this time, when my exams are nearly over, and I am planning to enjoy my time before I start studying for the last paper, why do I cry?? Why do I still dream that my girlfriend is remembering me!!! Why do I waste my tears on her??? Why do I dedicate songs to her??? WHY???WHY???WHY???

Today morning I was searching her on google, as I do regularly. Suddenly, I found her sister, and I again tried to get as much info about her as possible. I don't know, what I am actually trying to do, what I actually want. But, I know that I will try to send her friend request, connect to her, and try to get as much information as possible from her about her sister.

Love is not in the air, however, I keep on searching it everywhere. Tears are not automatically set, however, I occasionally see my cheeks to be wet!!! I love you still now, and I fear even now. So, HARD LUCK!!!

Girlfriend and Girlfriend's Marriage

One of my close friend called me some days back, and he told me a news. It was that, his Girl friend is being married in a few days. It is an arranged marriage, and the boy is doing some job in Hyderabad, and will be flying to America in a few days. So, the girl's parents had a fat catch. And my friend had a slip!!!


Similar stories are coming to me for the past few days. Girls in India (better say, Rural India) are in the marriageable age by 21 or 22. So, when we the guys are 22 still fighting for some job, and trying to get settled in life, our girlfriends (who generally happen to be our classmates at some point of time) are getting settled permanently with their husbands.


I was thinking about the problem, and that you need to be excessively strong to fight against your parents if you want to get your partner. And this strength has to be shown by the girl more intensely, since they get to the marriageable age earlier. So, the girl gets to the marriageable age, talks to their parents, argues with them, and finally convince them that she has a good catch, and then makes them wait till her partner is settled with a job.


The boy's side story is a bit easier. No one talks about their marriage till he gets a job, and so he has the freedom to stop till that. And once he has the job, he generally enjoys a freedom to choose. However, the whole of the arguments, and the discussion is based on the fact that the boy has to have a good career ahead quickly, and their love is strong enough to wait.

I really feel bad for my friend, however there is not much to be done.
Pyar kiya to nibhana, pyar kiya to nibhana!!!

A Love Story

Does love always imply tears? I don't know, but, I always see that only. For some love story, the boy and girl never meets, and they have a problem in meeting up finally in life. Sometimes, it is about one sided love, either the boy or the girl loves only, with no reaction from the other side, sometimes, it is a family problem, either the boy's or the girl's or both set of parents disagreeing to the marriage. Or it will be something of that like my very dear friend.

It is a true story, however, I would like to change the name of the people, just out of the respect. They connected through some online matrimonial site, and talked and smsed each other for long six months. They exchanged photos, talked with the sets of in-laws, and started loving each other. Even their parents had no problem about them. After more than one year, they met each other for the first time, and they really had nice time.

Sometimes later, the girl's parents visited the boy's parents, and there was everything going on if scripted. Everyone was happy, and finally, their engagement was announced. The boy and the girl were more than happy, and now, they not only knew each other so much, but, their dream of staying together was finally coming to be true.

Just two days before the engagement, the girl met with an accident, and she died after spending 14 long days of fear, hope and tear in the ICU. And, the boy is still living his life with the pain even after three years of the accident.

So, why do you need to shed tears in love? Why? This love story had the perfect script to make it as an epic love story. They discussed many a times that they will submit their success story on the Website, and still, they finally had nothing to share now. I don't know how the boy will live his life, but it feels bad that he is like this only. I don't know what to wish for him. I don't want him to go for other relationship, at the same time, I cannot see his life to go waste. Perhaps, he needs some sort of counseling so that he can direct his pains to something worth to the society. He has a lot of potential left in him, and he is just wasting it.

Anyhow, why I am unable to see a perfect Love story? Does perfection does not exist in life? Sometimes I feel that God does not like perfect love stories, and so he plays with the lives. And in spite of those, when this love story was going on  in a smooth pace in the right direction, He interrupted it with an accident. Why? I don't know.

For those outside in the real world, those who are in some relationship, please make it sure to remember, that life is so unreliable. If you want to say her about how much you love her, just tell her now. You might not get a second chance. I know, this advices are common in stories, and movies. But, still... Actually, every one needs to remember these advices always. Not only lovers, even parents children, Spouse, Colleagues, and everyone...

Signing off with a heavy heart.

Break Up

Oops!!! Break ups are happening everywhere. No matter in which direction I see, I can see people breaking relationships!!! Why?

Yesterday, I witnessed the Break Up of my elder sister. They were in a MacD, Bhatar Road, Surat and I was there too (Luck by Chance). And, I saw my Didi and her Boyfriend there. It was in the Valentine Multiplex, and I was happy to see a Valentine couple sitting there. I was just chuckling myself about the Valentine in the Valentine Multiplex, and guessing the total number of such cases, suddenly, I heard the loud voice of my Didi.

Fortunately, my Didi did not see me, however, it looked as if there is some issues. Every other table stared at the particular table. (You cannot ask why other people don't mind their own business!!! Come on, people enjoy stuffs, in which they are not involved). And, I was also trying to understand the issue.

The issue was very clear. The boy wanted to take my Didi to some movie yesterday, and that was pre-fixed. However, my Didi's office was suddenly visited by the Head-Office stuffs, about how the work was going on, and so, my Didi was unable to attend. Since my Didi was unable to attend, her Boy Friend, took another girl (another girl friend???) with him to the movie. And, this was reported to my Didi by some of theis common friend. And the boyfriend, at first denied of going to the movie, and then told that he took his sister there (why did you deny first, my dear could-be-in-law?)...

Anyhow, trust, and distrust, blame game kept on going for some time, and then the outburst by my Didi, and then, they left!!! See, there is a good thing in the MacD, that you have to pay before you it. Otherwise, it could be a problem to share the bill after the break-up under AC.

Perhaps, I should not be such comical. Sorry!!!
And, Sorry for my Didi too... She was really very down yesterday, and she told me many things about her life yesterday night, while I told her that I was there. Perhaps, every time, you are down, you need a friend with whom you can share all your griefs. I just tried to be that friend yesterday for my sister. After all, I have this Blogosphere. But, my Didi has only me, and now she does not have her boyfriend even!!!

I don't know what to wish for my Didi, so, just wishing her Best of Luck!!!