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Friday, August 31, 2012

Relationship Transition: Past to Present and Future

Some pieces of advice to people who are in the process of transition from one relationship to other. I know that these advices are easy to preach, and hard to follow, but by now I know, that I am not wrong at all while I put these in blog.
  • A past relationship is like a scar left after an accident. The more you want to scratch those, the more scar marks are left permanent. It's always better to leave those scars as they are, they will heal with due course of time, with no marks left.
  • Don't carry your baggages from your past relationships. Sometimes the baggages are too heavy to accommodate in the present relationship. You not only make it difficult for your partner to live in peace, but, also make your own life complicated unnecessarily.
  • Don't hold things that keep on reminding you and your partner of your past. It might feel good to you thinking that you are being nice with your old partner, or you are caring your old partner, but, certainly it puts a lot of pressure on your present partner.
  • Believe this: Your old partner is not concerned with how much you "care" for the person. To him, either you are there, or you are not. If you are not with your old partner, then their pain doesn't reduce by any bit if you "care". Moreover, by "care", don't make their moving-on in life more difficult.

These pieces of advice hold for them only, who do not think about going back to their past relationships.

If you have any plan of moving back to your old relationship, please don't move forward just for the sake of moving forward. It hurts a lot to your new partner.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Relationships and Trust

"You must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go."
Mary Oliver - In Blackwater Woods

Today I am going to speak something about relationships. Before I start anything, I must admit that I am a loser in maintaining relationships, and I am last person to advise anyone on this sensitive issue. So, anyone who is reading, take it as some sort of confession, or some sort of self-help blog.

Trust is the force that holds it altogether in a relationship. Well, Love has to be there, but, even though you love someone very much, and you really can't trust the person, think once again. It is impossible to have a healthy relationship where trust is missing. So, coming to the point, how can one define Trust?

Trust is a very difficult thing to define though it might sound very easy and simple to understand. I trust you - does that mean that I have full faith on you? Or is it something more than that? I really had to google it, and I found a lot of things. I don't know how to acknowledge so many people in a single blog. So, I leave that work.

Trust is KNOWING. It is knowing something that you cannot confirm with others.
Trust is BELIEVING. It is believing something you cannot see.
Trust is DEPENDING. It is depending on someone completely even when everyone else tell that you should not.

Trust is the ultimate form of INTIMACY. You may be miles away from each other physically, but, if you trust each other you are so close. You may be so close to each other, but if your relationship lacks trust, you are no less than light-years away.

So, after so much of advice on trust, how the trust is built? That is the major question.

1. Be Loyal: We must be loyal to ourselves and our partner. Many may question about how being loyal to own-self matter, but, if we are not loyal to ourselves, we can never to loyal to anybody. And the later part, being loyal to our partner - if I are not loyal to my partner, how can my partner trust me? Or, how can I expect my partner to be loyal to me, unless I am loyal?

2. Be Truthful: A difficult piece of advice. What I tell might hurt my partner now, but, don't get swayed away by the short-term gains. In the long run, being truthful pays off. Don't lie ever, irrespective of however small lie it is. Even the smallest and safest lie, if caught, can sow the seeds of distrust, which one day grows to be a huge tree to ignore. Moreover, even if the lie is not caught, the small lies leads to bigger lies, because after some days, we might get used to tell lies, and think that these lies does not hurt anyone.

3. Forgive: Forgiveness builds insurmountable trust. If I cannot forgive when someone tells me the truth, how can I expect the person to tell me the truth next time.

Wait a minute here. I hear something from inside - Can forgive but can't forget??? I can forgive someone, but can't really get some incident out of my mind??? What do you think? The un-forgetful mind will leave you so easily??? It will keep attacking the inner sanctity of trust. It will give rise to grudges, held-back resentments, and all other negative emotions. If you want somebody to trust you, you need to leave bad memories behind. Once an apology is made, we need accept it. That doesn't mean that we are free to act out and then expect blind forgiveness. It means genuine repentance should be met with genuine acceptance of the repentant, leaving both free to move ahead.

4. Be Humble: There is not a single relationship, where the partners are perfect. Every people is prone to make mistakes, and making effort to move on requires a lot of humility for both the partners. When you are trying to forgive someone, you require humility, but never forget that when someone is telling you something too personal, that requires similar, if not more, strong determination, and respect for you, your relationship and feelings.

5. Be Honest: Honesty is the best policy, they write on the walls in shops, but, even though we don't write over our relationships, if we are not honest, we cannot expect honesty. Honesty might cause problems in the beginning, but, just go for it. For, if it causes problem, the relationship that we are looking for is actually hollow, and if it works, then we are in a blissful world of trust.

6. Stand up and Stand for: Whenever life laughs at your partner sarcastically, stand for the person. He/she does not need your advice, does not need your sympathy, and surely does not need your criticism at that point. Just make the person feel that you are there always, no matter what happens. You are there to share everything, good or bad with him/her, but you are there, and will always be.

7. Respect and Value: We must learn to take our partner as they are, with their individual wishes and desires. Just like we respect our wishes, we must understand that he/she also respect their wishes. Whenever there comes a situation when you two have to make a decision, respect your partner's point of view, value their inputs. Being willing to compromise on matters says your partner that "You are worth a sacrifice". You must amicably respect your partner's position and understand his/her situation.

Relationships are important, as important as anything else in life that is worth fighting for. Trust in a relationship is a two way street. Both parties must behave ethically and deal truthfully. The simple element of trust between people affect the entire life. It enhances joy, peace, harmony - and everyone deserves these in their life.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

The Rainy Season: I

As a child, I used to hate the rains. It gave me such a tough time. As I get ready for my school, suddenly, there is the heavy rain, and my parents telling me: No School for today!!! Oh Shit… How can I meet with my friends, shout with them, play games…

Ah! Playing Games; This is the basic reason I hated rain. This rain had another peculiar habit of coming at afternoon, just at the time, I got ready to go out to play with my local friends. And All Rain and No Play used to make me a dull boy. I used to stand by my window, and watch the rain, cursing it, and waiting for it to stop. If it took a long time to stop, then again the next bomb: What will you play in the mud!!! How I wished I had some sort of arrow like that of Arjun (Mahabharata Character), so that I can shoot it, and can block the sky, stopping it from raining. Particularly the rain songs, I just hated them, and the authors. I still remember one popular Bengali song which every child is taught.

E kon aparup srishti,
Eto mishti mishti mishti,
Amar hariye geche drishti”

What a fine creation,
It’s so sweet-sweet-sweet,
I lost all my senses (sight)”

I liked an English rhyme much more than that, because it depicted my scenario, I could identify myself with the character.

Rain Rain, go away,
Come again another day,
Little Tommy wants to play.

Later, when I was in class 10th, one of my cousins taught me extra two lines of this rhyme.

Rain Rain, go to Spain
Do not show your face again.

Somehow, it is a stronger statement. At first, request the enemy. When he agrees to your request, give him a shocker suddenly. Here, request the rain to go away, and to come on another day, and when the rain agrees, then give the shocker – Do not Show your face again.

Friday, August 24, 2012

Blog Life: A New Start

After a long gap I read blogs written by some other people. Generally I read unknown people's blog. After all in blogosphere, who cares to know the identity of a person, when we all are global citizen at least here. But, yesterday evening as suggested by Binti, I read the blog posts of someone I know. No, I don't know him personally. But Binti knows him, and is a huge fan of him.

I think I should thank Binti for her suggestion. I read a lot of blogs, and once again, I experienced the nice feeling which I loved when I read blogs, commented on their posts, overall when I try to build some relationship with someone, I don't know, and I prefer not to know personally. Blogs generally contains stories from life, sometimes they have personal stuffs, because, you can share those things here without any regrets later, because people don't judge you based on those. I love to read the stories, the feelings, the memories. I like to share my thoughts with them on some particular topic, like to disagree, and debate on something. It gives me a  lot of personal space, where none of my acquaintances tell me what I should do, and what I should not.

Moreover, once again, I got the enthusiasm to write blogs. And as always, this time too, I made up my mind to write frequently. I hope that I will keep on writing new things, on new topics, and on new experiences. I hope to get some readers, who will share their thoughts with me, does not really matter if they agree or not to my insights, just love discussing things.

Anyway, I should thank Binti once again, for she showed interest in my blog life, and that she gave a new start to it.